you wonder why ?

everything goes GREAT. until out of nowhere you burst out and angermood. i mean wtf. then you start wondering these things. well or should i say have been. and i hope that this answers all your questions.


you wonder why i want a boyfriend ?
" its because hes the only person that makes me fell wanted & love. you said yourself you hate our guts and you dont want us. so why do i need to be hated ? and hes someone i can talk to and tell all my stuff too and hell love me no matter what. i know you say who needs it now. none really needs it now. in my case i do. i fell unwanted here. thats why i have one. and thats why ive been getting ones since i can remember. answer your question ? "

you wonder why i dont respect you ?
" how can i respect someone who doesnt respect themself ? you think you do good, but really its bad. i lost my respect for you when i was 11 and i dont think id ever respect you that mucho. you disapoint me. you cheat, you lie, you do all this sheit. and you think you can hide it ?! fact : no matter what i find things out some way or another. who says " fuck you, i hate you " to there own face !? i know you. so stop trying to say i have no respect, because i do just not towards you. does that clear things up ? "

you wonder why i talk so mucho on the phone ?
" its to get away from the chatting i have to do with you. i want to talk to someone who cares what im saying and doesnt hate my guts. i want to talk to some one who will listen and make me not fell like a loner. sure its fine to talk to you, but not all the time. id rather be talking to other people let alone you. does that answer why i always want the phone ? "


you wonder why im the "worst one" ?
" its because ive been trying so hard to be the best i can. every little mistake i do, you take it in to a big deal. im not the worst one. you kidding me. open your eyes and see what other people are. dont focus your attention on me. i dont want it. you both pointed at me when we were talking about beening a bad child, what have i done thats so wrong ? get good grades ? havent got in any big trouble ? trying to help you when your old ? i mean listen to me and youll find out things. does that clear my name as the worst one ? "

you wonder why i can act so good ?
" its because ive been doing it my whole life. being someone im not. i act different to you than how i really am. i hide things from you, that eats me up from the inside out. so whats the difference if i act like something im not, thats actors. now you know why i want to be one so bad. its easy. and everyday you make me act more and more like i want to be with you. like i care. like i want to be here. understand why now ? "

you wonder why we have so many problems ?
" its you. your the cause of it all. maybe here and there its because im being a bad person. but still. everynight since i was what 7, i wish that one day we can be one. and i wont have to see him on weekends. and it happened. and then now you complain how you " hate your life " you ruined it. dont blame it on the rest of the world. now you know why ?

you wonder why i want to go to LongBeach ?
" not to be what you want me too be. its to shove it in your face, that i can make it and you cant enjoy in my inrichment. got it ? "

i can go on and on about things you wonder about me. but whos the give the secerts away. not me. thats what makes life going. so live it, dont die in it. you say you wont help me anymore. fine well see how well that goes along.
peace easy.

oh and one more thing.
goodbye summer. & everything that happened.

Sincerly,
SaxxieTran.